Response to “Violence is Never the Answer”

For the original post – please see her:

http://thegodingoodgrief.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/violence-is-never-the-answer/

Oh, PB – what a meaty post. You are very spot on – bullying is a complex thing to work through. And how can we handle it if we do not teach students to stand up to the bully?

But, like Gandhi (and the experts) suggesting that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, I would suggest, humbly, that maybe standing up to the bully in a violent way will only beget more violence. It is a vicious cycle we see on the playgrounds today – everyone is looking to establish their place in the pecking order, and no one wants to be on the bottom. Bullies, experts have suggested, do not bully from a place of power –they bully from a place of insecurity as they try to establish firm footing for themselves. Their fear is being overpowered by another.

Now does this mean I believe students should stand idly by while this happens and accept it as a natural fact? No – not at all. For the 16 year old who stood up to the bully but had apparently been tormented for quite some time, I would ask – why didn’t anyone notice? Not just teachers (because as you suggested “ratting” someone out often just leads to more pain in the end) but other students – it should be more than just one lone student stepping in.

I think when it comes to bullying, it needs to be established by other students that this is not acceptable to the group – “We as students stand together and say – not here! This is a safe space for all of us!” This message I do believe comes from the parents and teachers – let us give students the tools and knowledge to see and respect each other as peers – and respect and cherish the things that make each of us unique. If we can do something like this, then maybe the bullying and division lines will stop – and maybe then there would be no need for violence at all on the playground.

It is a case where I’m still not sure that violence is really the answer – I think short term it may stop one thing that bothers us, but long term it continues a pattern that we shouldn’t be happy about.

Leah